Past in Present

by Jamal

Yesterday was my husband’s birthday, and marked his fourth birthday that we have celebrated together. Where has the time gone?! The wonder, curiosity of what and when, and the overall remembrance of the moments that have already past – and the subliminal preparation of those that have yet to arrive – proves to be one trippy ride.  I find myself, in this moment, trying to piece together every single day that we have shared. Good days, bad days, our bright days, and our grey days blend together to form a beautiful watercolor painting; as seen through memory’s hazy vision. Many memories approach, and my attempt to remember those already traveled prove to be nothing short of an intro to an odyssey.

Let’s not spark the fuse on dramatics’ canon too soon, as I’m not trying to live out any scene from The Notebook. It feels like yesterday that I was back in high school; living the last of my glory days in jazz band, graduating, and packing for my first semester at Indiana University Bloomington. It’s a funny thing, time, because it’s been ten years since those last days of high school. In an instant, and with the blink of an eye, I can be taken back to that moment in time, via memory’s influence and without notice. The realization of where S and I are now, together, is mind-boggling.  I merge from Memory Lane, speeding back into present day, and think to myself “…wow, where has the time gone?”

It wasn’t until this week that I really stopped to think about everything life has thrown my way throughout the last decade of my life. The ups and downs, along with their joy and misery, trace a path from then – whenever then may be – to now. So many things in life take time, yet we don’t feel the time passing. Four is a big number for me in this moment. October of this year will mark four years that S and I have been together. That’s four Christmases, four of my birthdays, and four of his birthdays… It’s crazy when I think of how quickly that time flew. I have to wonder that if, come tomorrow, would another four years have passed because I was so caught up in the present? The reality is that no matter what you do, those memories will linger and make their presence know as you need them. Live in the moment and don’t look back, because before you know it, you’ll be reflecting on more memories collected.

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