Today is our sixth wedding anniversary. I remember the day we got married pretty vividly. The weather  wasn’t anything special, but it was still nice.  We drove from Indianapolis to Champaign, Illinois because marriage wasn’t legal for everyone at the time, and brought along some of our closest friends. Instead of jumping into all the warm and fuzzies and rainbows of what our wedding day was, I’ll encourage you to check out this blog post where I recount our big day, and to check out past posts on the site. 

October 2020 will mark nine  years total together. We opted not to have a big wedding and don’t regret that choice at all. We have talked about having a  big reception of some sort when we hit another milestone. Maybe we’ll have a big sparkly function that will happen at the ten years together mark, or the ten years married mark. Until then,  I’ll keep sharing my marriage  experiences, stories, and lessons  learned with you all – starting with some marriage survival tips! 

ONE. Never miss an  opportunity to get to know your spouse. I know this sounds crazy, but so many people need to hear this. It’s too easy to get caught up in the day-to-day routines and before you know it, the years are flying on by. Pay close attention to the things your partner is interested in, and try to join the fun! 

 

Not all activities your partner enjoys will be something you enjoy. For example: I don’t really care about sports, and S loves keeping up  with college basketball. S isn’t a Beyonce superfan, like myself, but he’ll brave the masses with me whenever my queen goes on tour. The point is to show interest and to show the person you care about the things they care about. I don’t watch every game, but there are far less games nowadays where I have my earbuds in (probably watching a Beyonce performance, lol). Which leads me to my next tip…

 

TWO. Suck it up! Last summer I wrote about how I hated getting dirty, and how I was trying to put myself out there more by braving the wooded trails of Eagle Creek. Be open to trying new activities or trying new things with your partner. Instead of writing off the idea, try going with the flow! If I know my husband wants to check out a new spot I haven’t heard of, watch a documentary I wouldn’t usually  gravitate towards, or wants to exercise together in a class setting  – I’ve never been a class girl for working out, I prefer solo sessions with loud music or good podcast – I will say yes.  You’re allowed to say “no”  if you just  aren’t in the mood, of course, but why not spend more time together and create an impromptu date? You may even surprise yourself and have a good  time! 

 

THREE. Keep things fresh and sexy. Talk about what turns you on with each other. Talk about that hot person you saw at the coffee shop and how it made you feel. Tell your partner they look delicious and are the sexiest person in the world. This should be no surprise to anyone in a long-time relationship, but your sexual interests and romantic desires shift as you age. It’s so important to keep that door and conversation open so you can grow together. Don’t let the spark die. Explore each other, mind and body, and have fun with what comes  to fruition. No one has to know what goes on behind your doors, so get wild! Just please remember to create a safe and welcoming environment in your relationship  or marriage so you can actually have these discussions in a productive and fun manner. 

FOUR. Communicate. I’ve said this so many times on the blog. You have to communicate, and it’s  clear that so many of you don’t. You can’t talk at each other and expect progress. Listen, process, respond, repeat. Don’t forget the actions behind the communication either. Words are just  words  until they’re  partnered with those promised actions. Go the extra mile and actually mean  what you say, and do what you say you will. 

 

FIVE. Take care of you. In the words of RuPaul “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love anybody else?” By making sure you’re in good mental, physical, and spiritual order, you’re better able to take care of those you love; especially your partners. 

 

Here are a couple of quick quarantine tips for you while working from home with your partner:

 

ONE. Create a  workspace for yourself and communicate with your partner how you work. We’re all quarantined and doing our best, if you have the luxury of working from  home, so talk to each other about special requests or needs you may have during work hours. The last thing any of us want is to be annoyed with those we love because we’re actually annoyed with someone in our inboxes. Save the rage or annoyance, go on a walk together during a break or after work hours,  and let it all out then. 

 

TWO.  Down about date night being canceled by Rona? Who said it’s canceled?! Set a vibe, cook together, set the table, and put on some background music. Transport yourselves to your favorite spot by recreating moments! Paying attention to the moments of it all is what makes relationships and marriage fun, don’t you think? 

 

Thanks for reading, friends! And to S, I love you always. More and more each day. 

 

.J