Fear does reside, however, in the form of exhaustion. The impact of a full workday and homework leaves most nights quiet and longing. The memory of warm contact seduces resentment of easier days – before ambition took over and forced a pause on all things intimacy and one-on-one time.
The looming prospect of where our careers are going frightens me because the last thing I want is to be the career man who doesn’t have time for his family or husband. Exhaustion scares me – I believe it scares us – because are we ready to grow into disconnection? That will never be an option.
Last weekend’s staycation was glorious, but we could have used more time. The workweek so far has been challenging, prickly, and full of curveballs. I fear if we feed exhaustion too much, our brakes will go out – leading us over an unpredictable cliff. No salary or corporate chess match is worth our sanity.
December can’t come soon enough. S will be wrapping up his Masters and there’ll be plenty more time for date nights and shared zen.
Acknowledging the shady and dark corners of growth within a relationship can be a positive power if you allow it to be. I so wish we were back in our corner room on the twenty-first floor of Indy’s JW Marriott, but alas, full relaxation will come when we have the time.