Hang in There

by Jamal

Fear does reside, however, in the form of exhaustion. The impact of a full workday and homework leaves most nights quiet and longing. The memory of warm contact seduces resentment of easier days – before ambition took over and forced a pause on all things intimacy and one-on-one time.

The looming prospect of where our careers are going frightens me because the last thing I want is to be the career man who doesn’t have time for his family or husband. Exhaustion scares me – I believe it scares us – because are we ready to grow into disconnection? That will never be an option.

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Last weekend’s staycation was glorious, but we could have used more time. The workweek so far has been challenging, prickly, and full of curveballs. I fear if we feed exhaustion too much, our brakes will go out – leading us over an unpredictable cliff. No salary or corporate chess match is worth our sanity.

December can’t come soon enough. S will be wrapping up his Masters and there’ll be plenty more time for date nights and shared zen.

Acknowledging the shady and dark corners of growth within a relationship can be a positive power if you allow it to be. I so wish we were back in our corner room on the twenty-first floor of Indy’s JW Marriott, but alas, full relaxation will come when we have the time.

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