It’s just after midnight and I find myself unable to sleep. All the faces of the victims of the Pulse nightclub shooting haunt my thoughts and bring light to every dark corner in my mind this hour. So much life stolen. So much life wasted. So many lights dimmed only to become a flicker in my mind… When it’s already too late. Maybe these are just random thoughts and a suppressed guilt for not really being active in the LGBT community as I once was. Is living enough? Living by example of what my gay harmony in the United States of America is? I’m not positive, but I’m not positive about most things when a tragedy of this magnitude strikes. What’s one to think? What else is there to feel besides an extremely heavy sadness? How do we come back from this? These are just my raw and unfiltered thoughts and feelings. The faces of the victims are faces that I will remember. At least for a long, solemn while.
A brief note:
I wrote the reaction above using an app called Flowstate. Flowstate allows you to write for five, fifteen, or thirty minutes. In the case of this midnight reaction, I selected five minutes as my first Flowstate piece of writing. What makes this app so special? Well, if you stop typing for more than five seconds? Everything you’ve typed so far will disappear. No editing or saving until you’ve continuously typed for the selected amount of time. This forces the user to really dig deep and come across as honest and authentic as possible. I plan on using this app to stop over-editing and to write more on this topic.
Reblogged this on Scotties Toy Box and commented:
well said. The emotions so plaintive and so well defined. A great post, a needed emotion. Thank you. Best wishes. Hugs
Thanks for sharing, friend!!
I enjoy reading of the parts of your life you are willing to share. I am not of your generation and can’t quite understand all that your feeling and going through. However I do care. I care about you both, your relationship, your future as you are the future of our people, both gay and those sadly not gay, but of our country. It is a hard task to hang on you, but it was hung on all youth as their elders grew older. Sometimes I think ( when I look back ) what will be hardest for you is when you tell those you love that time has moved on, and that life is not what it was “in their day”. You will have to stick up for what you KNOW to be right even when all those so much older say no.. it was not that way in my time.. but this IS you time. Enjoy it. Live it. and when it comes time.. please pass it down. Many hugs. Scottie
Thank you so much for the kind words. I will continue to live by example and do my best to prep the gentleman coming up under our generation.