C r o s s r o a d s

by Jamal

The interstate was dark, empty, and had thrown me into deep state of reflection.  I watched the road as every marking flickered in and out of sight around the car, and wondered where I was going. It was just around 4:30am, and I’d just dropped off mom and sis at the airport for their flight back to Alaska.  Sadness resonated as the realization of their pending departure grew brighter in my mind.  I was grateful for their presence over the past eight days. Life had been testing me, as of late, and I needed reinforcements.   

I’ve been at a crossroads with my current professional situation. While I was on vacation, I found myself answering a small beacon of hope. This hope presented itself in the form of an interview. An interview in my dream position, a publicist, back in Bloomington. 

Over the past few months, I’ve been struggling with a decision regarding whether I would stay or leave my current position.  “If something is wrong, do your best to fix it” is a mantra I’ve kept at all of my places of employment. It’d been months of me stepping outside of myself, looking for some way to better my current situation, and found myself still wanting more – More from my employer and more from myself.

Everything about interviewing for the publicist position in Bloomington was great. Everything was flowing perfectly up until the end. The ending of that new possibility was purely unexpected. I sent in my resume and cover letter feeling extremely confident that I would get the job. It was with a very heavy heart, that I had to decide to not continue in the hiring process. It just didn’t feel right in the end. Not forever, just, not for now. 

So where was I going (besides back to our slightly-deflated air mattress)? The galaxylike view through my windshield continued to flash before me as I cruised down my lonely runway. Not getting that job was a possibility. So, now what? What are you going to do to make your current situation work? I allowed myself to feel a bit at ease, as I scrolled through the things I did have going for myself in Indianapolis. This doesn’t have to continue to be this bad. This can only be what I make it.

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